No set of conflicts or strains has commanded more public attention than those which characterise relations between mothers and their adolescent sons. This has been dramatically called the 'dark side of families' (Dornbusch and Strober, 1988: 137). A mother and her son are often perceived as 'outlaws' from the very institutions to which they belong, those being the family and motherhood. This picture is actually one of love, but that love is freed of compulsion and the incessant guilt that comes of not being the 'perfect' mother (Rich, 1976: 193). This guilt is a product of a patriarchal society which continues to suppress women and children. As each individual is born unique, that is, biologically, psychologically and spiritually, each has a right to be who they are and not what someone else wants them to become. Adolescence is a developmental stage which signals the beginning of a child establishing his/her own unique identity. It is a difficult journey and this is where a mother's understanding and support is crucial. It is a time of discovery and should be enjoyed. Unfortunately this is not the case for many teenagers. Instead, it is a time of tremendous turmoil and pain. Mothers experience this turmoil and pain at the same time. If one or both suppress these emotions, results can be damaging. Confrontations appear in the closest of relationships however these are often resolved before they have a chance to escalate (Howard, 1988: 82). The following will discuss such relationships between a mother and her adolescent son and what or who effects the behaviours of both.

The mother-son bond, from infancy to adolescence forms the platform from which the teenage son explores his uniqueness and his relationships. If this platform is absent, it leaves a hole with which many teenage sons substitute illicit drugs, alcohol, and excessive violence and abuse (Elium and Elium, 1992: 120). In Australia alone, studies done between 1989 and 1992 found that marijuana use had increased from 16% to 28% among 16-18 year olds and alcohol consumption among boys between 16 and 17 years of age had doubled (Boss et al, 1995: 111-112). Rates of juvenile offences such as serious assault and robbery had risen from 10% to 15% and 37% to 49% respectively (Boss et al, 1995: 154). These statistics suggest that 'platforms' between mothers and sons are becoming increasingly unstable.

A possible explanation for this instability may be where many mothers fear that their influence could ultimately be harmful to their sons. It may weaken them. Many believe how the love of a mother towards her son may 'feminise' a boy and make him soft, weak, dependent and homebound (Silverstein and Rashbaum, 1994: 23). It would follow, as more and more mothers are having to engage in parenting on their own, whether by choice or by necessity, there would be an increase in weak and dependent young men. Studies done at Harvard University have shown quite the contrary. There appears to have been an increase in emotionally stable and 'less macho' young male adults; hence the phrase, 'sensitive new-age guy (SNAG)'. Young males between the ages of 11 and 18 appeared to have better health, more success in chosen careers and were able to maintain respectful relationships once reaching maturity. Those shown affection from their mothers through their childhood and more so during adolescence were able to enter adulthood more easily. Of those whose mothers either suppressed their emotions or expressed them through anger and frustration, over 75% of sons showed tendencies towards delinquency and violent crimes while at the same time showing signs of depression, anger and a deep resentment for women in general (Elium and Elium, 1992: 77).

The motherhood institution men have socially created is built upon emotional dependence and on the needs, desires, and fantasies they have of women (Arcana, 1983: 97). This dominance has evolved over a long period of time and women have allowed it to happen. During the industrial evolution when men were forced to work away from home and women were left to attend to home affairs and children, patriarchy became entrenched in most peoples social structure. It was not until the Feminist Movement of the 1970s that women began to rebel and question their rights as individuals and equals. As Gordon suggests, 'the social structure of motherhood remains embedded in our psycho-social make-up' and it won't change until parents change the way they parent their children (Gordon, 1990: 61-63). He refers to anti-sexist parenting methods and an understanding of what autonomy means, that is a right to be free individuals in an unfree world. In any society, there will always be those who dominate over others in order to maintain social control.

More mothers today are choosing to parent their children in an anti-sexist environment. They also recognise that their adolescent sons need to engage in some level of 'masculine behaviour' such as playing contact sports (Gordon, 1990: 129). Masculine behaviour is defined within masculinity and simply is a creation of words and concepts rather than an organic reality. Being born 'male' is an organic reality. The concept of 'manliness' is a result of human culture (Arcana, 1983: 87). Organic reality involves an individual's unique inherited qualities while the organic reality of adolescence involves 'puberty'. During this stage of development, adolescents experience many confusing and frustrating changes to their body and brain. The culprit responsible for these changes is a hormone called 'testosterone'. This hormone may be present in some males up to ten times more than females of the same age (Gilder, 1986: 25). As a result, adolescent boys tend to experience a greater degree of change than girls do.